My babies see him at family gatherings during the holidays & at birthday parties. But they do not know him. My brother looks thru them like they do not exist. He's never waved "hi" at them, when they smile up at him he does not return the smile. He's never attempted to pick them up to give them a hug, talk to them or touch their soft curly hair. I do not exist, so therefore neither do they. To see my innocent children be treated in such a callous manner breaks my heart. But because I do not acknowledge him, I cannot let him see the tears.
My Mom is hopeful that we will one day reconcile. I don't see how that's possible. I've lived a lifetime in 2 years...(I've had 2 babies & remarried a wonderful man) and he has chosen not to be a part of my life. I'm not sure I can forgive that. I wish we had stayed angry at each other, yelled at each other. Something. At least when one fights it's because the other person means something to you... Silence means I don't love you, you aren't worth it, you are nothing.
So Thanksgiving is once more upon us & the holiday reminder of I lost my brother's love rears it's ugly head. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about my many blessings to be thankful for, but today I'm sad. I wish I had the answer on how to end this silence, I have none.
Hey God, it's me Michelle....
....I've got a question to ask you
9 comments:
::sigh:: I've been feeling blue lately because Thanksgiving is coming and my mother and sister are still slightly at odds with each other. There's nothing like celebrating a family holiday when it doesn't really feel like family at all. I'm sorry your brother treats your children so coldly. That's unfair. Whatever issue the two of you have, it doesn't involve them. What he's doing is both cruel and childish. I'll be praying for your family. ::smile::
I found you!!! I am so sorry about you and your brother! I can not think of too many things that are worse than siblings not getting along. My sisters are my strength. I hope you and brother can get beyond this! With that said....let me tell you, this journal is amazing!!!! You are a great writer!! I'm enthralled with your funny and descriptive stories. And I am so jealous that you can watch survivor!! Our dish network does not offer CBS so I am missing the show this year!!
Well, you know, HIS LOSS. A shame it can't be resolved, it takes more effort to completely ignore someone and their children than it would to work through whatever his beef is!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving & enjoy the people that appreciate and love you.
I'm thankful that I have 4 other brother's/sister's (and parents) who have stood by me & love me. And you're sooo right Slo, it doesn't quite feel right when everyone isn't getting along. How can we expect peace in the world, when we can't obtain peace in our own families? Hope your mom & sis work things out soon. And :::waving:::glad you found me teeb! I could leave you weekly updates on Survivor, but bumming a bit here that Rupert was voted off...Gotta find a new fav to root for : )
I hope someday you can find your way back to each other. (((Michelle))) Oh and if you get ahold of God...I have a question for him too. I keep getting a busy signal...must be the time of year ;)
You have a wonderful journal here. Think I'll do a piece on why I am thankful this holiday season. Cassie
ahhh, soooo sad! it would hurt my heart too, watching my children smiling at someone who wont acknowledge them. I think I would get bad and start yelling again..unfortunately.
You know, at first I still "tried" to speak to him BUT when I realized he didn't give a darn I started ignoring him too. And that's when we didn't speak anymore, when I stopped making the effort to have a conversation. As for yelling? I'm not a yeller, BUT it would only make family gatherings more uncomfortable. I've got alot of other siblings, my parents and 20 neices & nephews to think about it. Wouldn't be fair if there was a war everytime we got together. In the end, it's his loss.
my heart is breaking for you. But, more so for your brother. Life is short and we never know what is ahead of us. Heaven forbid, something should happen to you, he will be the one with a heart filled with regret, having to look down at you and say, "I'm sorry, sis." You would be able to look down at him, knowing you tried with all your might. I can relate too well with this. My brother and I went over 2 yrs not speaking. We are closer now than ever tho, I pray the same for the two of you.
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