Have you ever found something you lost years ago? Do you remember that feeling of elation discovering something you thought was lost forever, was now found? Ever cry happy tears?? Well, that's me tonight.
I don't often post anything *personal* about me in here.... but I'm sitting here tonight with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. And so I must write....
One of the things I've been saddest about since my divorce over 5 years ago, was the loss of some of my closest friendships. Not only did material possessions become divided, but so did friends. In some ways, the loss was partially my fault. While going through the painful process of divorce after 15 years of marriage, I withdrew from everybody, from EVERYBODY. I hurt alot of people by doing that, and it wasn't until I started emerging and reaching out, that I realized how much I hurt others by disappearing. In my own pain, I didn't realize that they felt abandoned. I have a brother who still cannot forgive me; we do not have a relationship. Maybe someday we will find one another again and forgive these years of silence.
One of the friends I missed most was Laurie. At the time of the divorce we had been friends for almost 16 years. She called me her *almost best friend* because she did not believe in best friends. Laurie probably knew me better than most people in my life. She was the friend I called first when I had great news, sad news, just needed to vent. I could cry on her shoulder (or stick a french fry up my nose) and not feel foolish. We would go for long walks and just talk about everything, anything. Things changed when I decided that the only way to fix my broken marriage was to divorce. Suddenly, Ifelt awkward because her husband and my ex were good friends and co-workers. Friends naturally chose sides. Although no word was ever spoken, I knew that I had become the bad person in her husband's eyes. I felt I had no choice but to back away....
It has been over five years since I've seen Laurie. She sent me a note a few years ago wishing me a happy birthday, I wrote her a long letter once at work, but never mailed it. I thought of her often and have never stopped missing her. Friendships like ours do not happen everyday. As a matter of fact, since my divorce, I have not made any true friends. Any friendships that have developed seem so surface. Lots of acquaintances, but no *almost best friends*. I often wonder if my inability to allow friends not get too close to me, is some sort of defense mechanism. Losing a friendship can't hurt, if I don't let them close enough, right?
Well tonight I found something I lost many years ago.... Laurie. I was online when suddenly this IM appeared before me... (the screenname has been changed to protect the innocent...)
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3
FRIENDLY: Hey Michelle... are you there?
S0NGBIRD1962: Laurie?
FRIENDLY: Oh my god...yes ....
S0NGBIRD1962: yeah, I'm here.... Should be in bed tho, but enjoying the quiet : )
FRIENDLY: how are you doing?
S0NGBIRD1962: I'm doing great.... the toddler's drive me crazy some days, but they are not much different than Spence. Think toddlers and teens are alot alike, lol... How the heck are you? I think of you often....
FRIENDLY: Well .... we have lots of catching up to do.... we must get together
S0NGBIRD1962: I'd love that.... I've thought about calling, but it's been so long. Truthfully didn't know if you wanted to be friends anymore. Too afraid to find out....
FRIENDLY: Oh my god....i have been extremely busy...of course i still want to be almost best friends...nothing has changed with us at all as far as i am concerned.
<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3
Our conversation went on for almost an hour. And although many years have passed, our chat flowed as if we had never been apart. I can't believe that I have found my *almost best friend.* That my *almost best friend* found me. Wanted to find me, missed me too....
FRIENDLY: i miss you so much
FRIENDLY: listen...i got to go to bed...4:30 comes early...ok i will call you asap
S0NGBIRD1962: Ok. Man, I need to go to bed too....
S0NGBIRD1962: AM comes early here too
FRIENDLY: love you almost best friend...don't ever forget that...
S0NGBIRD1962: love you too....
Have you ever found something you lost years ago? Do you remember that feeling of elation discovering something you thought was lost forever, was now found? Ever cry happy tears?? Well, that's me tonight....
14 comments:
I am so happy for you, It is such a wonderful feeling to know what you once had and thought you lost has always been there and has never changed. You brought me to tears. Hold on to Laurie, friendships like that don't come by everyday!!! Thanks for sharing that was awesome!
Awww Michelle this is so sweet!! I have gone years without talking to my best friend also because of stupid little fights here and there (it's been 22 years, they happen!). It's funny how one of us will pick up the phone or send an email out of the blue and things will be right back to where they were when we stopped talking. Friendship is a wonderful thing isn't it? I am so happy that your "almost best friend" found you again!
Hugs and love, Lisa
Wow... How awesome for you! That surely had to make your day, week, month... Congradulations on finding your 'almost best friend'... Cheers to you both!
*Jennifer*
hey Michelle,
So glad you found your "almost best friend" . It certainly does feel great to have old friends back. I know exactly how you feel. After Pauline's divorce she disappeared for years....i haven't seen or heard from her since Matt was 2, 12 years tooooo long! 2 weeks ago i picked up the phone & called her, so glad i did. We talked for an hour & made plans to get together. Last week she came over w/kids for an afternoon. Definately makes your heart swell when you realize you have found what you thought you lost.
Awww, you made tears come to my eyes!
I know exactly how you feel. I hadn't seen or heard from my best friend from high school for almost ten years, came up to visit a friend of mine in Seattle. Checked classmates and there she was, and living in Seattle no less.
Michelle...That's wonderful! (And I agree that toddlers and teens are a lot alike.)
~Tina
God is good all the time. HUGS, my friend. *Barb*
Michelle I'm so happy for you!
What a wonderful feeling!! My best friend from High School and I parted ways about 4 years ago and there isn't a day that I don't think about her in some small way. For the most part, I know my life is too busy to keep up with her active lifestyle. She liked to party, I liked to stay at home and read. She liked to drink alcohol, I liked to drink chocolate milk. Overall, it was inevitable that our lives were going to take different paths. Still, I miss her. And I can't imagine what I might feel if she were to walk right back into my life today - wow. So lucky! Hold onto her this time! "Almost" best friends don't come around every day!
Michelle, thank you so much for writing this ans letting others out there read it. I myself am going through a divorce after 16 yrs of marriage, but it is not my choice it is his. He has decided he wanted a 30 yr old, and I have found myself pushing my friends away so that they don't have to feel my hurt. So in reading your letter it has helped me realize that no matter how much i am hurting that my friends will always be there for me. thank you again and so glad you have found Laurie again.
Oh, wow, Michelle! Awesome story. I know exactly what you mean. I lost friends too, after my divorce. I left the state, so I lost everything. Friends, possessions ... everything. Our closest friends were my husband's best friend since high school [he also worked for my husband], his wife and little boy. We'd done everything together for 10 years. Although she wanted to remain friends with me, her husband thought it was a bad idea since our divorce was so ugly, and my husband signed her husband's paycheck :-/
I was hurt, but I understood. That's been almost 15 years ago and I still miss her.
Your story made me cry happy tears for you. :)
hugs
Mia
Michelle, my heart raced with joy when I read your story. My high school best girlfriend was more of a big sister whom I could tell anything to without fear of breaking my confidentiality. We experienced a lot of "first trys" together as we traveled the path of finding ourselves. We dated brothers whom we both loved more than life. Circumstances of life caused her grief and pain as it did you. She felt embarred by it so she pulled away from me. I was so hurt, and I didn't think I could ever trust her again. Many years went by, more than twenty without contact between us. But during those years, she would stop and see my parents when ever she went back to our home town to visit her own parents. In 2001 I lost my father whom I loved and respected so much, it still feels like it just happened. She came by the house to see my family, and to seek me out. She pulled me aside and apologized in a way I knew was coming from Gods love inside her. She still loved me, and wanted her children to know me. We exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses, which we have kept very busy for the last amost 3 years. Forgiving and loving her has been a blessing for me.
I completely know that feeling. Isn't it the best? I went through the same thing. My friend and I had done everything together, talked on the phone, worked together. Then, we had a falling out, and before we made up, I moved to another city and had no contact with her. We ran into each other one night through the help of one mutual friend, and she gave me her phone number. I was still worried that she didn't really want to talk to me, that she had been pressured to give her number to me by above-mentioned mutual friend. So, I didn't call her, and threw the number away because it was too hard to have it and not call, because I missed her. Lo and Behold, three years later, I get an email from my friend :) I have never been happier, and our friendship is MUCH MUCH STRONGER! It's nice to have my friend back, and to know that we will NEVER lose touch again, because we both missed each other way too much and we don't want to feel that way again. I'm glad you found your friend! Enjoy her!
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