First Step

 

       Four things happened in my life this weekend; all deserve their own entry.  You see, although it's STILL raining here in New England, the clouds have lifted from my mind....                                 

                      ...and more importantly, from my heart.  

The almost four year feud I've had with my oldest brother Rick, has ended.... Four years of silence, four years we can never get back.  Both too stubborn or proud to take the first step to heal the rift, until his daughter forced the first step....   A week ago, I received an email from my niece Katie, inviting me to her 12th birthday on Saturday.  On it she wrote, "Please say you'll come Aunt Michelle.  I love you...."    How could I say no?  And so the first step was taken....  

As I pulled up outside of their house on Saturday afternoon, anxiety filled my mind.  Questions bombarded me, almost paralyzing me.  "Will they welcome me?"  "What happens if they don't?"  "Is this a mistake?"   If I didn't have the two little ones with me, I might have been tempted to quietly drive away.    Instead we walked to the front door.  Sammi, unaware of the turmoil brewing inside of me, reached up and rang the door bell.    When my brother answered the door and I saw his face, all my anxiety disappeared. 

He smiled and immediately gave me a hug & kiss.  "So good to see you, come in, the partyis  downstairs."  Yes, he took the next step!  When I went downstairs the first person to greet me was my sister-in-law, Dee.  She smiled and when she hugged me, she whispered, "Thank you so much for coming..."  Emotion filled my heart and my eyes began to tear up.  All I could mutter was, "I've missed you so much...."   She replied, "I've missed you too, we'll talk later.  Do you want to be in the pie eating contest?"  I swear that my heart felt 100 pounds lighter, who needs Weight Watchers?  

Although there were some awkward moments, I mostly felt at peace.  All, was once more right in my world.   I watched my brother from afar.... It was the first time in almost four years, that I really looked at him.  Now I could look at him without feeling hurt, anger, or fearing rejection.   When did my brother start to look so much like our Pepere Lavallee?   Of course the thoughts of "what happened" and "why" are still there, but those reasons are really not important anymore.  Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.... 

When it was time to go, goody bags were handed out.  And then because it was my birthday the next day, Dee handed me a gift and said "Happy Birthday."  Although I love the candle they gave me, the real gift I received on Saturday couldn't be wrapped with paper and bows.  I have my brother (and family) back.                                               

               ....Thanks Katie and Happy Birthday. 

                                                           I love you too ....